I need to go for it & take the risk.
If not, I’m going to end up with regret.
And that thought of “what if…”
I need to do it, I need to ask you.
Let’s make it official, Will you be mine?
At least I tried right?… That’s all the counts.
I hope you had a great birthday & I hope you liked my gift.
And I hope I made you realize that I sill do care about you and that I‘m really sorry.
Even if I didn’t get the response that I wanted & made a fool of myself. :/
Thanks to Isaiah for singing to me, you really made my day and cheered me up.
You have a great voice. You got some real talent boyy.
And thanks for Saiah & Adrian for coming to my game.
Got some good friends by my side.
ugh, they are so disgusting.
i saw a really tiny one by my bed.
so i ran away like crazyy.
went to my mom & told her to kill it.
i didnt go back to my bed for like 20 mins.
lol, omg. im such a pussy. !!!!! HA
hella excited !
Great point my friend :)
But damn, really; im hella stuck right now.
I need some good advice and quick.
I had a dream of you. Pretty weird actually. It was a normal day at school. Everyone kept asking me all day what ever happened to me & you. I eventually got so fed up with it that I responded “umm, yeah we’re together.” Then walked across the spirit court to you and said “I know you hate me & I put you through hella shit but for real, I need you in my life, I want you as my boyfriend.” And all you did was stare at me & the dream was over.
I have no idea what that was supose to mean. But I guess the message behind it was that I’m starting to really miss you, once again.
And everything flashed back to me. It was like a huge punch in the heart; not a good one ethier. I didnt want to think about it, you, me, or us. I tried to push it out of my head but it got to me, & it got to me bad. I went from not having a care in the world, happy as fuck, to fuckin shit sad mode. All I could do was get you out of my head, the only way to do that was music mode. So i grabbed my head phones, put it on blast, & zoned out the world around me until YOU left my mind. Music solves everything. I was literally in music mode for like 3 hours straight. It was crazy; I didnt know I could ignore everything around me for that long. And you know what else is crazy? I still let all this shit get to me. This is fckin rediculous. -_-
Every time we pass each other at school, I try my hardest not to look your way. I’m afraid if I do, I’ll end up back to stage 1. That’s not going to happen on my part again, I want it to be all on you. Your turn to do what you gotta do.
I want you to make the decision on your own to want to stay in my life.
That maybe, I might be, just a little bit, in love, with you.
But I’m too scared to admit it to you, yet even to more, to myself.
Maybe that’s why I ran away; I’m just scared of the outcome.
I hate how you cant even talk to me about it without turning it around in someway; we can never meet in the middle. As much as i tired & wanted to talk to you, i seriously gave up cause all you say is “you this.. and you that” blah blah blah. I cant handle not having a decent conversation which is when i always say “ok whatever” and “bye” so i can just leave w/o exploding. And then you deleted me from your life, so I’ll try to do the same, even if I dont want to. This is wayy too much to handle right now. Common, its our sr year! I dont want any drama or BS. I wanna have a good year, but you gotta hold this grudge on me & you cant give me a friendship. Really? Ugh, ok whatever, you cant let things go easly, Okayy. I get it. But it’ll go away eventually. As muh as it kills me, i know i made the right decision in some way. Even though i just threw away suh a great chance & such a great guy, deep down i know i’m really not ready. As much as you make me happy, i really really cant. I need ME time. Time for just me myself & i. But hey, the day might come where everything will turn out the way we both want it to be. Or it might not, and i just might loose the best thing ever, and loose such a great chance. But time needs to pass & in the end, we’ll see what happens. Im just gunna live life 1 day at a time and do what i gotta do. As hard as this is for you, it equals out on my side too. I think about you all the time. I hope your doing okay. I’m still here if you ever have that day where you wanna talk it out, without it turining into an argument. I’m still here, I havent gone anywhere.